I no longer care what people think, and if it makes me happy then I’m going to do it
Now, I worked in an environment that I personally felt was quite toxic and greedy. And some (not all) of the people I worked with were very money orientated. Whether that was hitting targets or just their wages in general, it comes in different forms. But it was all money, money, money. And I’m not saying that that’s a bad thing, but it just wasn’t me. I didn’t live my life to make money and being surrounded by that all day long had me feeling that money equates to happiness. I started believing that how much was in my bank account and how nice the things I owned were, was what was going to make me happy. And if I didn’t have those things or they weren’t the way I wanted, then I somehow failed. It took a long time to realise this was my thinking process because I hadn’t noticed before.
I look back now and I’m embarrassed by how self-absorbed and materialistic I was becoming, and probably already was. The reason I laugh at this now is that my situation has changed drastically. I made the decision to leave that job because I wasn’t happy, I work part-time now because I know it’s what is best for me, and I work from home because it’s what suits me. Plus, I can’t be arsed with office politics anymore!
I have more time to focus more on myself spiritually and appreciate the things I have. Because they can be taken from you at any moment. I’m teaching myself new things, focusing on the positives and taking care of myself as a human in every way.
So much has happened in the last 18 months
And when something as altering as cancer rears it’s ugly head and interferes with your life and threatens the people you love, it really shakes you up and makes you re-evaluate the way you perceive things. All of the things I thought were a big deal, suddenly weren’t anymore. I started to appreciate the little things that were often overlooked, and I became a half glass full instead of a glass half empty kind of girl. Things that bothered me would roll off my back and I actually found that having less money was freeing and had me appreciating what I did have a hell of a lot more. I worry so much less and my anxiety has massively improved.
I definitely wouldn’t wish the situation my Fiancé and I are in on anyone. And I especially feel for him because he’s the one with the sickness and spends about as much time at the hospital as he does at home. It’s stressful, frightening, ambiguous and seemingly never-ending; but we are very fortunate and have it pretty damn good regardless. It’s a hump in the road, and we’ll be driving over it together at a hundred miles an hour and laughing when we do. We’ll look back on all of this someday and be glad for it because it strengthened us and really cemented us as a couple. It made up grateful to have each other.
There’s always a silver lining
Make that decision to just BE HAPPY, no matter what form that comes in. What makes you happy may be very different to what makes me happy. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all! We’re all different and think and feel differently. But when you do you’ll find an awful lot will click into place. I promise you’ll be more at peace with yourself and the way things are. I know I did. What I’m trying to say is that sometimes a loss can be a huge gain. You just have to chose to see it that way.
Until next time ♡